I am one of those people who believes the child/parent relationship does not end when the child turns 18. I mean, I cannot imagine Lindsay coming to me, at any age, needing something, and me denying her, no matter the circumstance. I brought her into this world and she is the best thing to ever happen to me. As cliche as it sounds, I wouldn't be complete without her. I can't imagine my life without her. Unfortunately, my ex husband doesn't feel the same way. Furthermore, my father doesn't feel this way about me, either. I have made it abundantly clear to Traci how lucky she is to have the father she has. She has seen what I have been though and she appreciates her Daddy and she has wept for me because I have a not-so-great relationship with my Dad.
Good Daddies are almost a forgein concept for me. When I am out and see a Daddy with his child, particularly his little girl, I always get teary eyed. My daughter's Daddy walked out on us when she was 10 months old and now that she is 14, she doesn't hear from him, nor do we receive any financial support from him. She has no male role models in her life. I often wonder how this is going to manifest later in life. In my case, I know every stitch of self esteem was ripped from me and I ended up marrying someone that didn't deserve me. Thus, the pattern started again and I didn't provide Lindsay with a good father. I was told my entire life I wasn't good enough. When you're a little girl, you tend to believe what your Daddy tells you.
The first man in a girl's life is her Daddy. Little girls idolize their Daddies and want to grow up and marry someone just like him. I have this idea of the perfect Daddy in my head and this Daddy comes nowhere near the Daddy I was given. My perfect Daddy would tell me I'm pretty, whether I am or not. He would be protective over me, and do everything in his power to keep me from getting my feelings hurt, rather than being the very one who hurt my feelings on a daily basis. He would want to spend time with me, not make me feel as if he didn't want to be seen with me. And if my marriage broke up, he would wipe my tears, not tell me that I'll find someone better if I were thinner and more attractive.
Finding good Daddies weighs so heavily on the Mother. I have the sweetest mother out there who would do anything for me, as well as my daughter, but she picked a loser of a daddy for her two children. She apologizes to me often for this. I guess in the beginning, when you're in love and it's new, it is hard to predict the kind of father your husband will be. Personally speaking, I was just so in love and ready to be married, I didn't even think about it. Maybe 22 was too young to figure those things out.
I have figured out that it is better to have no Daddy than a bad Daddy around ruining your life. My mother and I have raised Lindsay, so she has had 2 parents - 2 good people who love her more than life itself. She doesn't even mention her Dad, who she hasn't seen in several years. As far as I am concerned, I need to follow the example lifestyle I have provided for Lindsay. My Dad and I argue a lot. He has kicked me out of his home at Christmas for bringing up something he had done in the past and gets furious if I need him for anything. The man just can't stand me.
All you women out there who have managed to find good Daddies for your kids, I congratulate you. They are hard to find.
My High School Graduation with my Dad
