I Never Wanna Leave This Bed

I want to be normal! I want to go out to eat and to the movies and date and all that kind of stuff. Everything is such a fucking chore.

I am at a point where my pain is somewhat manageable, but I cannot seem to get out of the routine of being a sick person. My medicine makes me so sleepy, yet I still suffer from insomnia. It takes me hours to fall asleep, even if I am dead tired. I end up sleeping the day away and then I just waste time being useless. If I drink caffeine, I am a bit more productive, but caffeine triggers my anxiety and I can't tolerate a large amount. I have thought about trying 5 Hour Energy, but it will probably make me feel like I am having a heart attack. Five hours of productivity would be absolutely amazing, though.

My Mom stays so positive. She speaks in terms of "when they find a cure" and "when you're able to get off all of your medicine."  Some days are worse than others but I have difficulty seeing a future without pain. Then again, I heard a baby was cured of AIDS recently, so maybe there's hope for a cure for neuropathy. I suppose it's a good thing I at least want to get out and do some things now, whereas not so long ago I never wanted to leave the house. I need to turn thinking about it into actually doing something about it.

We are planning to move to a townhouse or an apartment in the near future. We really need to get our monthly nut down. We pay high rent, plus I have to pay someone to take care of the yard. Now that it's warming up, it's yard maintenance time again and I really want to be somewhere where that is taken care of.  It costs so much to move, paricularly since it's three women who need to hire muscle. We have a TON of stuff to get rid of before we can move to a smaller home. Maybe I should organize a yard sale. That would be a normal, productive thing to do, right?

I think it would do me good to get away for a week or two, to see something other than the inside of my house. Different scenery, different air, different bed. Especially the bed.