Free Falling

Almost 8 months with the boyfriend. He's really groovy and my pain goes away when he's around, but he's not around enough. He travels for work a lot.

The other day I was thinking I need to get stronger. Swim. Something. At least make my legs stronger. They're like sticks from muscle wasting. The neuropathy will never go away, but if I were stronger, maybe I could at least take a walk. It's Fall and I want to be outside. I suppose I could go outside and sit. I can sit OK. Lying down is when I feel my best. Maybe I will go outside and lie on the ground. I'll bring a pillow. Then I change my mind. Today, all I have thought about is how I should just accept that I need to stay in bed the rest of my life. I just need to hire someone to go buy groceries and and bring things to me. As it stands now, I can't do all of the things that people expect me to do. I wish I could get everyone to realize my limitations. I can't cook and clean and take care of everyone. I just can't do it anymore.

In other news:

My daughter and I may be breaking free soon and getting our own place.

I fell two weeks ago and really messed up my knee.