If you do not breathe through writing, if you do not cry out in writing, or sing in writing, then don't write, because our culture has no use for it. -
Anais Nin

Love is my religion - I could die for it. - John Keats

My Pets Dictate My Life

I live in a zoo. Did you know that about me? Running amok in our home is a cat named Hamlet, a Chihuahua named Domino, a German Shep named Margot, and a Black Lab/Australian Shep mix named Coco. When the front door opens, giant hairballs escape and float in the breeze. To control this problem, it is necessary to vacuum, dust, Swiffer, and mop on a daily basis. Do we do that? Of course, not.

Don't misunderstand - I love my pets. I usually prefer their company to that of humans. I am a vegetarian.  But the maintenance of having so many is overwhelming!  Not only that, but there all these rules I have to follow, particularly with Hamlet. For instance:

1. I am not allowed to keep my blinds down. Hamlet wants them raised so he can see outside, and if they aren't raised, he will rattle and destroy them until they are. He especially likes to do this when I am sleeping. I have grown to loathe that rattling sound!

2. I am not allowed to keep my bedroom door closed. If I do, he will twist the doorknob until I let him in, or out.  I have experimented with him on this, especially during the middle of the night, and he will rattle that knob for hours!

3. I am not allowed to keep the cat box where I wish. Having a cat box in your home is a nasty business to begin with, but the master of the pet should be able to determine where it's located and what sort of cat box it will be. I prefer a cat box with a lid, for obvious reasons. Hamlet feels otherwise. If the lid is on the box, the poop doesn't end up in the box. Thus, he wins. He also decided one day to start pooping in the formal dining room, instead of in his box in the bathroom. I suspect this is due to the proximity of Margot's favorite resting spot to the bathroom; she chases him around the house like mad, and he can't always get to where he wants to be if she is on guard.  Anyway, you can guess where the cat box is now. We don't eat in there, anymore.

4. I can't get a good night's sleep. In addition to the aforementioned rattling and door knob twisting, there's the mischief, in general. He jumps on and off the bed, including on my head and knocks things over. But that is not the worst of it. I will be in a sound sleep, when suddenly I hear, "Yak! Blek!" This cat pukes more than any cat I have ever had! (he is actually Lindsay's cat) Cats get hairballs and they puke, fact of life, but my gosh, it is not something one wants to hear (or smell or step in) in their bedroom while sleeping.

5. Because the dogs will eat Hamlet's food, it has to be kept up high. For some reason, that designated place is my dresser. We have to keep a stool in front of the entrance to where the cat box is, or the dogs will, well.....you know. Margot will kill Coco (seriously)  so Coco stays in a crate to protect her. I think Margot should be in a crate because she is the one terrorizing everyone, but Coco actually likes her crate now and wants to be in it.

6. I can't seem to ever have a clean house. Enough said.

So, would I trade my pets for a puke a poop free life, a good night's sleep, and the opportunity to eat something without pulling hair out of it? No freaking way! Do you see how adorable and cuddly he is? Worth it. :-)

Ketchup

I haven't posted in a while and I need to nurse my blog back to health. I have noticed all my comments are gone. Not sure how or why that happened. I don't have anything specific I feel like writing about so I'll just ramble for now. Things are pretty much the same. There has been one change in my life and that is my best friend and I have parted ways. My heart is broken as she has been in my life for almost 30 years, but I know it is for the best. It's just going to take some getting used to.

In other news, Lindsay, my BABY, starts high school this fall. I have been homeschooling her for a few years, so this is going to be major to send her to public school again, particularly high school! We are doing some extra tutoring in math this summer as that is her least favorite subject, but we're getting there. She will be 15 in September. Man, am I old! An old friend who I haven't seen in years turns 40 today. We haven't kept in touch but I sent her a birthday card. I turned 40 in January and it still hasn't hit me!

I'll be back with something more interesting to say soon. Not feeling so great today. Neuropathy is kicking my ass. Just wanted to catch up and felt sorry for my lonely little blog.

Getting To Know You

Here are a few random things about me, and I would love to know some things about you! Just copy and paste this into your post, delete my answers, and type in yours. You know the drill. Have  fun and I look forward to hearing from you!



1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Yes; my maternal grandmother’s name was Lessie (no 2nd L). My middle name, Parker, was my paternal grandmother’s maiden name; she was English, by the way.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Yesterday.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Yes, and I like to change it up sometimes.

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? I don’t eat meat, but I like faux turkey with lotsa veggies on toasted bread.


5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? I have a daughter who is 14 and the love of my life!


6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Absolutely!


7. DO YOU USE SARCASM? Yes, and I could stand to use a little less!

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Sure do!


9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? No effing way!

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Special K Chocolate, Cocoa Pebbles


11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Sometimes. Depends on how tired I am.


13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Hagan Daaz Chocolate Chocolate Chip


14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? Their grammar


15. RED OR PINK? I looooove pink 


16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? I am thin-skinned. I am overly sensitive and things that most people can simply brush off, will hurt my feelings and bring me to tears.


17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? Right now I am really missing my best friend who just moved to D.C. for a new job. She is the only one who gets me. I am very proud and happy for her success, but I seriously may have to move to be closer to her.


18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST? I wouldn’t be doing it if I didn’t want people to respond! – but so few people even read this blog, that I doubt anyone will complete this.


19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Jeans, socks only.


21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? The humm of my CPU.


22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Pink, what else?


23. FAVORITE SMELLS? Honeysuckle, the smell of my grandmother’s (Nonnie) house, which I don’t get to smell anymore.


24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Traci, my best friend in D.C. That was last night.


25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? No one sent it to me – I happened upon it somewhere.


26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? I don’t watch sports.


27. HAIR COLOR? Blonde, most days.


28. EYE COLOR? Blue


29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? I used to, one tore, too broke to replace them, so I have been wearing my specs for a couple years. I want my contacts! I wear a toric lens, which are over $100 a piece.


30. FAVORITE FOOD? I am a vegetarian, so anything in that category.

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Can’t scary movies have happy endings? Hey, I think I have taken this survey before.

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Saw “The Wolfman” the other day. A let-down. Watching, “My Sister’s Keeper” courtesy of Netflix tonight.

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? Um, sort of fuchsia.


34. SUMMER OR WINTER? Winter, no doubt about it!


35. HUGS OR KISSES? It depends on who I am hugging or kissing. I love kissing, boys only, of course.


37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Traci, Kathy, maybe Natalie


38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Everyone else


39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? Breaking Dawn by Stephanie Meyer, the 4th Twilight installment. I read the 1st three in one month. I started this one a year ago. Haven’t been in a reading mood or something. I WILL finish it though. As soon as I do all the other things I need to do. I feel guilty for reading sometimes because I feel like I should be cleaning or tutoring or…


40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? A puppy


41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? George Lopez marathon. See? I should have been reading. I wasn’t cleaning.


42. FAVORITE SOUND(S)? Lindsay’s voice, classical guitar/music in general, waterfalls/water


43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? The Beatles, but love them both


44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? Canada


45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? I don’t know. You tell me.


46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? South Hill, VA


47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK? I don’t know


48. HOW DID YOU MEET YOUR SPOUSE/SIGNIFICANT OTHER? I do not currently have a significant other. I met my ex spouse in Norfolk, VA while he was in the Navy in 1992 and it was lust at first sight. I was with a friend (now an ex friend) who was visiting her husband, who was also in the Navy.

Happiness is Just Moments

A few days ago, I woke up in the middle of the night, which I often do as I have wicked insomnia, and I stood in the hallway. For the briefest of moments, I was completly pain free. I was half asleep, but I hadn't felt this way in years. So I just stood there, and let it happen. I didn't know why I got up, perhaps it was to use the bathroom, or adjust the thermostat, but I didn't do either of those things. I just stood there.  I felt like the old me. The me who could climb stairs with ease and go dancing and take long walks. The me who could hold down a job. The moment passed and I went back to bed. I don't know if the pain came back, or if I were just too sleepy to stand any longer. But, I do know it wasn't a dream.

Tonight I went out to put a Netflix movie in the mailbox, and it was raining. After the movie was in the  box, I let the rain soak me. It felt so cleansing and free. I didn't want to go back inside. I brought the trash can back in from the curb, and tried to find other things to do to keep me out there. When  there were no more chores, I stood for a few more seconds, and went back inside.

When people say they are happy, does that mean they stay in a constant state of happiness? I don't think I have ever been happy every day, even before I got neuropathy. My child makes me happy and I don't know if I would be here without her. We all have happy moments, and then those moments end. We are left with the memories of those moments, but we still have to work at having more happy moments. It takes effort, doesn't it? I suppose I need to learn to make myself be happy. 

I cherish those moments when I'm alone and I have those awakenings that make me remember who I am, or who I was.

But what is the secret to true happiness? Being happy ALL the time?

Handwritten Letters - A Lost Art?

I have a trunk in my closet full of old handwritten letters people have written to me over the years. The operative word here is, "old." People just don't write letters, anymore, or at least no one I know does. The thing to notice here is that I don't have a trunk full of e-mails. You don't save e-mails. E-mails get deleted.

I wonder if people put the effort into an email that they might put in a handwritten letter. The composer of an e-mail knows it will be read, but also knows it will probably be read only once, and then spit out into cyberspace somewhere. A handwritten letter is so much more intimate (I'm speaking of personal letters here). I enjoy looking at different handwriting styles, seeing postmarks from around the world, and when I was younger, my girlfriends and I would decorate our letters with stickers and drawings.


I can't think of any woman who wouldn't rather receive a handwritten love letter over a love e-mail, and what's this business of being dumped by e-mail? Some people can't even take the time to end a relationship properly; rather they e-mail the news, or even worse, text someone that they are being dumped!


I'm beginning to wonder if kids even pass notes anymore. Now, it's all about the text message. Everything is about speed. How fast can I get this done? As compared to pre-e-mail or pre SMS, if you don't get a return on your end of the conversation immediately, you worry. You want that return in less than 60 seconds or your feelings are hurt. I remember getting excited about checking the mail, hoping to get a letter from a long distance friend, or even a local one. If it weren't there that day, I would get excited about checking it the next, and so on.


When you use your actual hands to write, I think your brain has more time to be creative. Typing goes more quickly, so you're just writing on an instant capacity. When I taught school, I would have my students write their rough draft papers by hand, edit it, and not type anything until the end. Typing is so mechanic. As a writer, I tend to prefer longhand when I write, but what I actually end up doing is typing it and editing it about ten times before I am satisfied.

I have thought about buying stationery for all my friends to inspire them to handwrite a letter every once in a while, if not to me, then to someone else, but I have never followed through. I know that box of stationery would sit on a shelf and collect dust, and I just might get a thank you, by e-mail of course.

I suppose the best thing about handwritten letters is what I mentioned initially; I can go through that trunk of mine anytime and read something someone wrote me years ago. The longer I wait between readings, the more fun it is. It's been about 5-10 years this go round, so I think it's time to pull some out, get comfortable with some hot chocolate, and step back in time.

Don't get me wrong -- e-mail is a wonderful invention. It's just too bad that it had to wipe out an even better one.