2011

This has been one of the worst years of my life, if not the worst. I hope things start to get better in 2012.

Addiction

I realize many people's opinions, and perhaps even medical findings, may disagree with what I am about to say, but I get really annoyed when addiction is called a 'disease.'  Calling addiction a disease is a slap in the face to those with 'real' diseases, such as cancer, diabetes, ALS, and so forth. Persons struck with such horrible health conditions cannot simply stop their disease by using will power. They can take their medicine, keep a positive outlook, pray, and hope for the best. Someone who drinks excessively or abuses drugs, well, all that person has to do is stop.

I do not dispute that over consumption of alcohol and drugs can wreak havoc on the body. Many alcoholics get liver disease, smokers get lung cancer, and people die of overdoses far too often. It's a sad state of affairs that destroys many lives; the lives of the abuser, as well as the lives of those who love him and are often helpless to intervene. I also realize that when the body has been supplied a substance for over a long period of time, it will grow accustomed to it, and if the supply of that substance ceases, the body will react and go into a withdrawal state. The withdrawal state can last a while and the abuser must learn to live his life without taking drugs anymore. A lot of therapy is involved. Unlike someone with cancer, diabetes, and so forth, this is where it ends, or should end. The body can survive without the harmful drugs the abuser had been ingesting, and perform even better without them. If addiction is a disease, why is it treated behaviorally? Why does the addict require psychotherapy? If he had a real disease, why can't he just take a pill? Undergo chemotherapy? Some so-called specialists argue that people are born with an addiction gene, and that it's not their fault they suffer from this 'disease.' Suppose someone with this alleged addictive gene were born on a deserted island, with only fish to eat and coconut water to drink? How would he feed this addiction that wasn't his fault? How would he ever know he had it?

I have known a few addicts in my time and they shared the same characteristic - they wanted to escape when the real world was too much for them to handle. They live hedonistic lifestyles and have no regard for the welfare of others when it comes to getting their hands on their drug of choice. They will lie, cheat, and steal to get it.

I have diabetes and chronic pain with the accompanying neuropathy. I wish I could just stop, but that's not an option for me. I have a disease and I can't just say no.

Revamping This Thing

Check back soon...

Roger Waters Knows My Soul

Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
You fritter and waste the hours in an off-hand way
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way
Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today
And then the one day you find ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun
And you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but it's sinking
And racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in the relative way, but you're older
And shorter of breath and one day closer to death
Every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time
Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines
Hanging on in quiet desparation is the English way
The time is gone the song is over, thought I'd something more to say
Home, home again
I like to be here when I can
When I come home cold and tired
It's good to warm my bones beside the fire
Far away, across the field, tolling on the iron bell
Calls the faithful to their knees
And hear the softly spoken magic spell.......

I Don't Want To Clean On Christmas Eve

But family is coming tomorrow and it's expected. I clean all the time, but the house is always a mess. It's Christmas, so I won't be catty and name names.

I haven't written in a while (again). This is mostly due to the fact that my computer is dying. My desktop already died; now the used laptop my friend Brad gave me to get me by until I can get a new one is going through a slow, painful demise. But thank you, Brad, for sans this dying laptop, I'd have nada.

So, 2010. My best friend changed personalities and decided she would judge everything I had ever done in my life she did not approve of and send me an e-mail telling me all about it.  Turns out it's a lot of stuff and we're not friends anymore. The knife in my back is still twisting, but I am almost ready to yank it out. 

The boy I love hasn't spoken to me since early September. I need to find someone else to love. This won't go away 'til I do. I just wish he would stop invading my dreams.

I had a cast on my right foot for about  half the year due to a diabetic wound. Hopefully 2011 will be cast free.

I need to go change the kitty litter now.

Watching Russell Brand on Larry King. He's sexy (Russell, not Larry). I like his accent. Wonder how tall he is. He looks pretty tall. I want his booky wook.

If you do not breathe through writing, if you do not cry out in writing, or sing in writing, then don't write, because our culture has no use for it. -
Anais Nin