All I Need Is A Good Defense

As a seasoned veteran of many rock and heavy metal shows, seeing a Fiona Apple show was a completely different taste for me. The show was so...calm. People were intently watching and listening. It was so grown-up. With the exception of that crazed fan sitting behind me shouting "I Love You Fiona!," and "You're so fucking hot!" during lulls (which was really annoying and not appreciated by anyone), I was able to hear and see so much more than people body slamming and head banging. The venue (Durham Performing Arts Center in Durham, NC) reminded me a bit of Constitution Hall in DC or The Beacon Theater in Manhattan, except it was cleaner and classier and the amenities were aplenty.  Attendees were falling all over themselves  to accommodate your every need, which was good, except they went totally Nazi toward anyone trying to take a photo. I wanted at least one photo, you know, just to say I had been there, but I had rent a cops all around me so I didn't even attempt to take one.

Because it takes a lot to get me out of the house these days, I was like a wide-eyed kid, taking it all in, people watching and behavior analyzing. What I noticed first and foremost was the audience. I think I may have seen one Black guy, a few people my age, and a few dudes, and the rest were teeny tiny little girls. It was difficult to determine the ages of the girls because of their tininess, but I would guess early thirties, which makes sense because Fiona debuted in 1996 and they were all in college then. I was a 26 year old mother of a one year old, but I have that timeless hipness that transcends having to be in college to appreciate certain music. I would like to think I still possess that, despite the fact that I rarely get out anymore. Anyway, I wanted to get a t -shirt, you know, to say I'd been there, and the t-shirt sizes were definitely a reflection of the audience as all the cute shirts were in Girl sizes. I asked the attendant what a Girl size was. She said they were like junior sizes and ran smaller than regular sizes. So regular sized women could pay to see Fiona, but only the 5 feet tall teeny tinies could represent that on their (lack of) chests in public. Personally, I think Fiona would be happy to have had my ample bosom display my fandom, but alas, I just picked up a shirt for my daughter, who was with me.

Fiona's band opened the show without her, coming on one by one with introduction from the guitar player, Blake Mills. He would play a little something, then the bass player came and played with him, then the drummer came out (a chick) doing her thing, and lastly the keyboardist took stage and they all four played a few tunes sans Fiona. They all left and in 30 minutes or so, came back accompanied with the little girl with the huge voice, Fiona Apple, belting out "Fast As You Can," one of her more rockin' tunes. She didn't engage the audience much, but when she did, and from what I could understand over that crazed fan chick behind me, she facetiously spoke of her preference to be called "Sugar Tits" rather than "Sweetheart," by the cop that arrested her a week earlier for possession of hash. She's also sick of being talked about for her  skinniness and people saying she has aged badly and the stupid jokes that were made when she was arrested. She said "fuck" a lot.

I don't want to lump Fiona in with all the other angry girl singers (like Alanis Morrisette) but it does seem that she puts out a record only every five years or so, corresponding with a break-up. I have always been such a fan of her writing. She is a true singer-songwriter who spills her guts and I can really relate to the heartache and depression and it seeming like you feel things more intensely than most people do. She says things like, "how can I ask anyone to love me, when all I do is beg to be left alone?" and " I kept touching my neck to guide your eye to where I wanted you to kiss me when we find some time alone.." You can't appreciate her without dissecting her lyrics.  She is all about substance over style and doesn't rely on lip-syncing so she can get her choreography just right. When she opens her mouth, the contrast to how she looks and how she sounds is astounding. She has this sultry, alto, bluesy voice that somehow comes out of a 90 pound vessel that is so unexpected and she plays piano with a confidence and force that belies her stature, as well . She wore a blue tank dress (intermittently covered with a home made t-shirt) with black tights and brown Mary Jane shoes and carefree messy hair that screamed, "don't look at me, just pay attention to my music." She twisted around like a little girl with her hands in her pockets, occasionally jumping up and down and writhing on the floor, clearly being motivated by the music, not dancing to please her audience, even though she did. I want to know her. I want to hang out with her.

It was great seeing Fiona and it was also just great being at a concert again. I had almost forgotten about how exciting it is and how young it can make you feel.




                                                 ***(Note: I did not take these photos)***